Journey to the Self - Travelling and throwing baggage on the road

Part 1: Travelling and throwing baggage on the road

#July022017

Up at 8:00 am today with renewed spirit to attend Sunday worship.

Been on the road almost the whole day yesterday. Left home at 4:00 am and arrived home at past 11 pm. Went to Quirino province with my husband, younger brother and husband's nephew.

We went to visit our sick father who is now 81 years old. The father my brother and I did not have in our growing years. He had a second family with four siblings there.

It was quite a long trip with real convo with my brother, no fights, no arguments. On the way going to our destination we talked about our experiences, we reminisced our childhood and to what we are now. Surprisingly, I no longer feel the pain I used to have before.

Before going to our father we had a quick stop-over to my son-in-law's aunt at Maddela to pick up a rocking chair for my mother- in-Iaw. The conversation continued there and was shared to my son-in-law's aunt. I even expressed that it would be better and I would be happier if our father would not recognize me.

My wish was granted. My brother first approached my father and he recognized him. He told my brother that he was expecting and waiting for me too. My brother asked him to identify me. He looked at me and told my brother "asawa mo ba siya?" Many times and many clues yet he really didn't recognize me until his wife told him that it's me. He then looked at me and begin to realize and recognize.

The usual visit to a sick person. Bigay ng pasalubong, kumustahan, listening to their hinaings, payuhan on what to do on this, on that...

Parting time was difficult and hardest for my father, that's the time he started to cry...

On our way back home the convo continued, became deeper with lots of testimonies shared. As we travel we threw our heart's burdens and biggest baggage on the road...

to be continued... 

(got to prepare for Sunday worship)

#Pagninilay #HolyWeek2017

Yesterday during our service on Good Friday the 2nd speaker of the 7 Last Words of Jesus on the Cross asked each one of the members of the congregation: "If you have 24 hours left in your life now, and you are about to die after 24 hours, how will you spend it?"

Faced with a sudden question that called for immediate answer the replies of the members were stunning and ridiculous:

One said she would eat well.
One said she would go to the parlor.
One said she would choose the clothes she'll gonna wear when she dies.
Hubby said he would spend it just thinking and thinking.
One said she would repent all day.
One said she would spend it doing selfies...
I said I would call all my children for "todo habilinan"
And so on and so on...

When the speaker was about to expound his message on Luke 23:43 - And Jesus said to him "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with ME in Paradise" our deaconess asked him "And how about you, how will you spend your last 24 hours too?"
Caught unprepared too, the speaker's immediate reply was "I would clean our house" that made the congregation laughed.

Of course we know that those answers above are abrupt and most of them will be different when we are really confronted with our last 24 hours.

The Gist of the message:
Let us spend each day as if it is our last.

May we all have a meaningful LENT Celebration.

Taking on a New Journey...

For the daughter who opened my eyes to let me see the things I cannot see or refuse to see, for making me accept those I cannot accept or refuse to accept, I thank God for her truthfulness and courage, and I pray for her. While mothers may know best, we may not really know everything. I thank the Lord for giving me this daughter who have the courage to open new doors, showed me new things and a new journey to take, and making me shed so much tears. May all the tears soften me, make me fully understand and accept those unknown to me, forgive as well as repent, renew the old rugged me, let go what should be gone, make me lift and truly love unconditionally...   

To love unconditionally, to accept and understand the unknown, this I need in taking on a new journey, ...

Past stories unfold

Christmas season, Family time.
Had Fun reminiscing children's good old days.
So much Laughters.

Then goes kwentuhang Mcdo:
and the only son recalled: (now 22 yrs old)
~Traumatic experience he can't forget up to now, when he was a kid
~surprised mama
~son: Grabe. Di ko makalimutan yun hanggang ngayon, nung iniwan ako
          sa Mcdo, sabi maghintay lang ako dun, susunduin ako ni papa,
          buong hapon naghintay ako, pero di dumating si papa.
~shocked mama, we did not do that and we will never do that
(the incident was when he was between 4 to 6 yrs old, during that
time when we lived/rented in Cabanatuan City)

mama's story of the incident:
~ a relative of my husband asked to bring our son (as kid chaperon) on
   her date with her boyfriend
~ I was told about a month later after that date (by that relative's mother)
   that my son was lost in the mall during that date, that her daughter and
   boyfriend had real time looking for him, that made them come home late
   than expected
~ I was even told by the mother not to tell her daughter that she told me
   about my son's lost, because her daughter wants to keep it a secret
   from me,
~ that relative got angry to her mother upon learning that her mother revealed to me
   about it, for fear that I will no longer allow my son to go with them
~which I did, I no longer entrusted my son to her, for fear that my son will
  get lost again .

It's only now that we learned about the whole story.
My son can't believe for the back story of that incident. So he was left intentionally at McDo by the relative and boyfriend, and went back to him at the end of the day . We all can't believe that happened to my son.

Lapses:
~When I was told about the so called lost of my son during that time i did not
  asked my son about it anymore, perhaps to let him get rid of the thought of
  it. Just told him to be careful and aware all the time when he's out of the
  house.
~My son never mentioned it and it's only now that he eventually shared it with
us, a very traumatic experience he can't forget he said.

More of my son's paglalahad:
~nakaupo lang ako sa Mcdo, natatakot gumalaw, naghihintay lang kay papa
~binibigyan ako ng ice cream ng taga McDo
~tapos sinundo na ako, hindi naman si papa

Me: beast mode and in war mode upon learning about it
~what if somebody took my son away?
~what if his asthma attacked during his long wait?
~what if he need to go to the restroom and needed assistance?
~what if he cried in fear? he was only 4 to 6 yrs old during that time.
So many if's!!!

To this relative of my husband, we don't have any contact anymore and we don't know where you are now, but if you will read this then you know who am I referring to...you know who you are. I just want to tell you I'm thankful you taught us a great lesson. My daughters have their own kids too, and my eldest learned a lesson, hindi dapat ipagkatiwala ang anak sa malayong kamag anak. You taught us a big lesson, we will see to it that what happened to our son when he was young will not happen to our grandchildren. With that, I thank you very much for the lesson

It's Christmas time and New Year is coming. I don't want this discovery to ruin our days. we have so many reasons to be thankful about and be happy...

Why do I need to post this?

I am compelled to post this to give warning to parents out there with little kids. Be careful if someone will ask you to have your child as kid chaperon on a date.

And make it a habit to ask your child to relate to you about their experiences when they're with others.

To help move on from bad experience:
Don't keep grudges about it. Find the reason/lesson it brings, and be thankful about it. Count the gain, not the pain.

A Joyous Christmas and Family Time to everyone...

Battle against Excess

Stepped on the scale as we arrived home and it striked at 63.5 against 65 last March31. A 1.5 success for 5 days...

Been doing this before, many times over, at first successful, then eventually failed. Failed because maybe I'm doing it secretly, and nobody would know if I quit doing it.

Today I must declare: That I'm on a battle against overweight loss, with my mother-in-law as my inspiration, and with support and tips  from my daughters. I must declare it, to keep me off from quitting...

COUNTDOWN:
March 31, 2015 - 65 kls.
April 5, 2015 - 63.5 kls.

Patience, Perseverance, Determination, Consistency...be with me!

UPDATE: JUNE 1, 2015
Been away for two months. The scale strikes at 62 kls. now. Not so proud of myself, really! :-(

UPDATE: JUNE 14, 2015
62.5 kls. Stubborn excess!

UPDATE: JULY 3,2015
62 kls.

UPDATE: SEPT. 27, 2015
60 kls.

Smiles to Go By

                                                             THE ROLLING STONES

My heart breaks to see old folks around me in this situation. My company is not enough to lift their spirit. They long for something else, for more...

Surely I don't want this at my the twilight.
Would love to have kids around me, that they would still love to listen to my collection of books and stories, and I'd  let them sing their songs to me...  

And if I would really need to be alone, then there should be no tears to go by, only smiles...